If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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