pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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