i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
