If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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