If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
