I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
