It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
