hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
