And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
