Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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