We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
