I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
