If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
