forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
