Whod you bang
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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