After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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