This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
