I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
