I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
