so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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