K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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