it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
His nipple licking is glorious
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