she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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