My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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