I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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