Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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