i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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