oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
