We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize