Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
