I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
