I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
