You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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