I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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