She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
