I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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