I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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