The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
