Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
