Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
