i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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