My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
