Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
