Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
