yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
