I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize