im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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