went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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