Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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