So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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