"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
