My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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