hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
