Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police