your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher