So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
