Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
