did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
