Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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