Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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