Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize